Opening scene: Kim Kardashian is perched on Kris Humphries lap. They are sitting in their New York apartment. Kim and Kourtney are getting ready to head to L.A., leaving Scott Disick and Kris home in New York alone.
See it:Kardashians unveil annual Christmas card
Right away, trouble begins.
Kris says they might have a few friends over, and Kourtney and Kim tell the guys thats not allowed. Kourtney says they dont want people around Masons toys and our clothes. Why dont you go out?
Kris says he wants to party at their place, and he wants Scott to side with him, but Scott says, Leave me out of this.
Scott, youre whipped, says Kris. Shes going to think its okay for me to act like that and thats the norm. That isnotthe norm with us.
At this point, Kim looks like shes sneering at Kris. He burps. That Kim Kardashianis so gross, she says. But then she begins to pick at something in his teeth with her nail. Stop! he says, and starts grabbing at her head: You have bumps on your ce.
Get off me! she says. And Kim, barefoot, kicks Kris in the thigh with her heel.
Baby, that hurt! says Kris.
Scott points out that they are messing with their careers if she hurts his legs and he damages her ce. Scotts actually the closest thing to a voice of reason in this episode.
Im getting off, says Kim, and she walks away.
So here we go. Another Sunday night episode of Why Kim and Kris Divorced, also known as E!sKourtney and Kim Take New York.
Subplot: Kris Jenner calls Kim to tell her that Kims best friend, Jonathan Cheban, is writing a tell-all book and plans to tell all about Kim. My heart cant take it, Kim tells Kourtney. So Kim goes to dinner with Jonathan and calls him out on it. Youre using me like everyone else, she says and stomps out before he can spit out an explanation.
She decides to tweet that she cant trust anyone.

Another subplot: Scott wants to get in touch with his Jewish roots so he goes to a deli and talks to a rabbi.
Back to the party planning! Kris and Scott are at a restaurant with some pals. Kris is telling them he wants to have people over and Scott points out that Kourtney and Kim both said not to. Youre just like Bruce (Jenner) and all the other ... whipped Kardashian men, says Kris.
He adds, Its better to die on your feet than live on your knees, bro.
Cut to L.A.: Mom Kris, Kim and Kourtney are discussing Jonathans tell-all. Will he write that Kims a diva (witch)? Says mom Kris: She likes white flowers and pink M&38;Ms? What could he say? They discuss suing him. Kim wants to try to get a copy of the book. I will be all over this guy, promises mom Kris to fretful baby Kimmy.
But first the sisters make their biggest appearance ever at a Sears store. And while theyre doing that, husband Kris is back home ordering up lots of ice, a big bottle of Patron and a keg of beer.
I feel like Kim and Kourtney are trying to make the rules of the house, but if I want to have a couple people over, Im going to have a couple people over, says Kris. They run out of red Solo cups as the place fills up with people and pizza. Scott walks in, points to the pizza boxes, bottles and empty cups and says, Look at this. This is disgusting! He tells Kris to make the people leave.
The next morning, Kris threatens Scott when Kourtney calls. You tell her anything, Im going to kill you. Instead, Scott talks to Kourtney about rediscovering Judaism.
Why should we live in a home where we feel like we cant have a party? says broken-record Kris to Scott, adding, This is the first of many small get-togethers well be having when theyre gone.
Back in L.A, Kims eating crow. Her mom got a copy of Jonathans tell-all book proposal and its nothing but flattering, as r as Kim goes. I feel really bad, says Kim.
Back in New York, Kris has called housekeeping to come clean up his party mess - just before Kourtney and Kim arrive. Oops, the maids forgot the four empty bottles of Vodka. But Kims too busy worrying about Jonathan to notice.
OMG! Someone emailed Kim photos from Kris party. I honestly am going to KILL Kris, says Kim.
Scott tries to take the blame, but Kris decides he cant let Scott take the ll. Dont blame Scott. I just kind of had people over.
You had people over? Kim said. How embarrassing is that to me? You dont get it.
The argument almost gets heated. Its almost exciting. For a minute.
I had a handful of people over... says Kris.
I dont care. No one is allowed in our suite. This is our private space, says Kim.
Kris vows that next time...
Kim says, There wont be a next time.
Says Kris, Next time, Ill just make sure only my close friends come over.
Welcome to Kardashianland, Kris!
Meanwhile, Kim marches over to Jonathans place and bangs on the door. He lets her in. She says shes sorry. He refuses to accept her apology and she leaves.
Back at the apartment, Kris is lounging on the bed in his tank top as Kim comes in, wearing a furry coat. Kris apologizes again for the party, and they talk a little bit about how to patch things up with Jonathan.
Kris suggests writing something for Jonathan about the book and Kim likes the idea. She starts working on a forward for the book. Kris winds up sending her forward to Jonathan, who is touched. He comes over and the two are BFFs again. Kims even happy with her hubby for going into her computer and sending it to Jonathan.
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OMG! I dont want to listen or to read this reality crap as this country is already in a moral decline as a result of the ongoing ecosocio-political climate. At least the troops are going home from the war in the Middle East for the last time to be with their milies especially for the holiday season. The Kardashians should stop hogging the spotlight much longer as we should concentrate on our own lives discreetly.
More Top NewsStudy: Nearly 1 in 3 will be arrested by age 23The Patriot way stifles Tebow-maniaRecap: Kardashian, Humphries get physical ______________________________________USA Today editors are mental midgets. To them this is a top news story. MORONS!
This broad is truly half baked, who wants to be with this chick in the first place? shes like Reading Rail Road, shes been laid all over the country..Who is she again? lol. and so..
Has USA Today stopped being the official obama administration news, and now is morphing into National Enquirer II, or Star II?
And we are all now dumber, for having suffered through this article. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul
This is so stupid....what a stupid show...and what stupid people.....do you think their collective IQ could reach 100 ?
Stories like this make me wish for Kate Gosselin. The real question is, which Kardashian is doing vors to the EIC around here to contstantly get this must article time?
Whats worst USA Today printing this mess or us reading it?!?!!? Im sure their IT dept. can tell how many people clicked on this story, so they will continue this crap front page news.
Gads, Kim Kardashian is so much shorter than Kris Humphries in this photo it looks like she probably had to go up on him.
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